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First smartphone: 10 rules to set with your child

Rules set before the phone is handed over hold up much better than bans added after an argument. Written together, they become an agreement: your child knows what to expect, and so do you.

Ten rules that work

1. At night, the phone sleeps outside the bedroom. Better sleep is the first benefit, and the most visible one.
2. No phones at the table, for anyone, parents included.
3. Homework first. The phone comes after, or stays in another room.
4. A new app has to be asked for. You look together at what it is for and from what age it is allowed.
5. No social media before the age set by their terms, generally 13, and not before you have talked about it.
6. No talking with strangers, even friendly ones, even in a game. If a stranger asks for a photo, a secret or a meeting, tell an adult right away.
7. Never post a photo of someone without their consent, and never a photo you would not want to see displayed at school.
8. Never give out your address, your school or your passwords.
9. If something is scary or uncomfortable, talk about it, and you will not be punished for telling. This is the most important rule.
10. The rules change: you talk about them again every birthday or at the start of every school year.

Making them stick

• Explain each rule. “Because that’s how it is” invites workarounds. “Because you sleep better without it” makes sense.
• Apply them to yourself too, at least at the table and at bedtime.
• Let the tool do the thankless part. A phone that goes to sleep at the agreed time saves you from playing enforcer every evening.
• Reward trust rather than punishing slip-ups: a child who keeps to the agreement earns more freedom.

Built-in parental controls

Many phones and tablets come with parental controls built in. Check the settings of your child’s device to see how to set them up.

More guides

• What age for a first phone?
• Protecting without spying
• Cyberbullying: what to do?